38: The Half a Century High Edition, Part One

Hitting a life milestone.

First, a welcome to the raft of new subscribers who’ve come aboard since the last time I produced one of these things. Hopefully you’ll enjoy what you find!

Photo by Elisa on Unsplash

This week marks a major life milestone, as I reach the half-century mark. Combined with recent life changes, perpetual anxiety about my professional future, and figuring out how to best spend whatever time I have left, I’ve been doing plenty of soul searching lately. This seems like a normal thing to do qt this stage of life, but given I’ve generally not thought too far ahead throughout my life, it’s a little challenging.

My current main objectives are 1) to get back on track workwise following an exhausting spring; and 2) rediscover what brings me joy amid these trying times. I suspect I bottomed out recently in terms of feelings of hopelessness and lack of motivation spurred partly by seeing much of what I’ve believed in over my life in terms of compassion, respect, and helpfulness towards others being sh*t upon by leaders at all levels of government and society.

I admit there have been moments where, as good outlets fade and misinformation grows in the online world, I wonder if I should continue offering historical context to current issues if nobody seems to care to finance it.

I admit there are moments where I let my fear of annoying people or performing poorly prevents me from seeking better opportunities.

I admit there are times I avoid others lest I let them down in ways I’m probably imagining.

Which means it’s time for some course adjustments.

***

Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash

I have to thank the best person that ever entered my life for starting me on the road back. Louisa’s love and eternal cheerleading has gotten me through a lot over the past decade, and she frequently notes ways where I reciprocate that support that might not always be obvious to my brain.

Ways that I will build upon in the future.

A constant, comforting element for most of my life has been this barn mural exalting the glory of apple growing along Ridge Road near Harrow, Ontario.

Next, I’m amping back up my habit of doing long walks to reconnect with the city and the outside world in general. Whenever I go on one, unless I run into horrible people, I return recharged mentally and physically. I intend to chronicle more of these walks as proper blog entries, to ease me back into that style of writing, which may be more satisfying than 140 characters at a time. Louisa also suggests that I should write more about journeys outside the city, which is an excellent idea.

As for social media, I aim to continue taking a more positive approach that offers an alternative to the eternal doom and gloom that sucks people in. Which means I’ll continue to post my professional work, share random research finds, include photos from my wanderings, and apply the mute button to preserve my sanity.

Qwillamina and Qwilly

I need to rekindle my sense of curiosity and wonder, which my two research assistants will help with immensely (even if Qwillamina is taking some of the summer off, because everybody needs a break!). Louisa recently reminded me of the important role these two little critters play in my creative process and observations of the world around us. They have become representations of bond Louisa and I have built.

Also add in the need to generally be more social, strengthening existing friendships and building new bridges. Community is more important than ever before and I need to embrace it better than the semi-hermit I could potentially evolve into. If I haven’t seen you in awhile, drop a line!

My father only lived to 58. Sometimes I view that as a ticking time clock for what I feel like I should have accomplished. I need to relax about that aspect of my thoughts more and, even though I strongly suspect I’ll enjoy a much longer life, make the most of what time I have left in the most satisfying, enriching, and useful ways possible.

***

I am writing this entry while sitting in my Mom’s dining room, staring out the sliding door to the balcony of her apartment in Amherstburg. Ahead of me, amid the typical haze of a mid-July afternoon in Essex County, I hear yards being mowed, see the tops of lush green trees, and, off in the background, watch the glistening waters of the Detroit River.

Standing guard against a possible return of the Americans? A soldier on duty during a living history demonstration at Fort Malden, which, as a National Park, is offering admission until the beginning of September.

Amherstburg shaped many things about me, from its mix of small town and urban values (allowing me to see as an adult the pluses and minuses of both mindsets) to its deep history related to the War of 1812, the Underground Railroad, and so much more.

Spotted on a bulletin board at Sobeys in Amherstburg, possibly previewing an upcoming art crawl.

It’s wonderful to see my hometown living up to the potential it has always had to draw residents and visitors into vibrant activities. Wandering through this weekend’s Open Air Weekend (LINK), I saw packed patios, busy local businesses, families and friends enjoying games on pedestrianized streets, and many people enjoying the relaxing atmosphere along the river at Navy Yard Park. It’s a much-needed antidote to the constant stories of NIMBYism from people who do not want neighbours and anything that will ruin the cars-must-dominate-above-all attitude of a few loud residents and weak-willed politicians back in Toronto.

Whereas Amherstburg was sleepy during my childhood (there was an unsuccessful attempt to build a replica of a War of 1812 warship as a tourist attraction), today it has a steady diet of weekend events across a range of activities and interests (LINK).

It’s nice to come home to.

***

With Substack warning me that I’m approaching its email length limit, I’ll split this edition into two parts. Look later this week for the usual roundup of new work, curiosities, and more. See you then!